Netting the Night (detail), painted last year as one of a series with no reference to this psalm. But it fits, don’t you think? Click for larger view, and again for larger yet.)
I said there would be psalms (see blog description at right). When I read the following in public somebody labeled it a psalm. “It’s an inner reflection, it’s a talking to God, it’s a psalm,” she said. My sketchbooks are full of them. This one is taken from the Peter and Jesus dialogue at the end of the book of John. I’ll use the pattern of some Bibles and put the Jesus quotes in red. Oh, and one thing you’ll need to know, there are now five of us in a line named “Hyatt;” I’m the third.
Let me know if you can relate.
So Jesus turns to me after breakfast and says
Hyatt, do you love me more than these?
Taken a bit aback I answer
Me? More than these? What These ham and eggs?
But he says nothing back, knowing I’m a smart ass
And a bit too familiar in my ways with him
At least at times.
So I’m thinking, What does he mean?
More than these others around?
Who knows if I do?
It depends in part on how much they do.
Does he mean, These surroundings?
This house we’ve put so much into?
These artifacts of our lives, our travels, our interests?
Or how about these paintings
That I love to show
And display what I love to do?
But there’s no comparison and he knows it.
Still, the question hangs in the air,
Does he mean these fish? The latest big haul?
My biggest commission yet to come?
Do I love him more than these?
Of course I do—and he knows.
So I says…knowing it’s safe, and true
(however he means it)
Of course I do, you know I do.
Clean up your life, he says,
and I don’t know what to say after that.
So he breaks the silence and says:
Hyatt, son of Hyatt, son of Hyatt,
Do you truly love me?
And I have to think, Why is he asking me again?
And why in that way?
Didn’t my Yes mean Yes?
Am I holding something back?
Maybe something I don’t even know but he does?
Still, the answer’s the same . . . or wants to be.
Yes, Lord, I truly love you.
Feed my sheep, he says.
And I say, in my mind, not out loud, What sheep?
And how?
And he says, in his mind, not out loud, but I hear it:
You know who, and you’ll know how.
But again, I’m silenced
Not sure I love him that much . . .
But don’t want to even think that
Because he’ll read the thought
And has already, long before I thought it.
So all I can do is remain still
And hope he does not ask again.
Then:
Hyatt, father of Hyatt, father of Hyatt,
Do you love me?
And I exasperate…
Do I? Do I?
I would have said Yes, a thousand times Yes,
But he’s not leaving me be
He’s not leaving enough enough.
So I waffle, prevaricate . . .
Never wanting to answer No
Hating that my Yes is slow
But I know myself . . .
More cock-crow denials may well be ahead
And all the more if I boast now
It’s a fool that opens his mouth too early
But a coward who opens it not at all.
So I’m left with this one,
The question I answered Yes to twice
But the third one—or third time—more penetrating
And I have to think.
The thought occurs to stall and say,
Excuse me, Lord, I’ll have to pray about this one.
But that’s absurd,
The whole thing’s a prayer.
So maybe I’ll leave it
Open ended
And start each day
With that third-time question
Looking for that day’s response
Like,
Hyatt, do you love me today?
then show with my life,
and reveal to Him
and myself
the answer.
____________________________
If you missed the sermon this was part of, you can find it here.
Still in Toledo, Oregon.
Next: A bit about beauty. Coming Friday.
Our Lives Together
Its About Life
12:47 pm
Wow! What a great way to begin my time of Lenten reflection. This resonates SO deeply. Thank you!
1:41 pm
Thanks for expressing what we all wonder about our own commitment from time to time. Note to self: As you wake up each morning to take on the day, remember, “the whole thing’s a prayer.”
1:49 pm
I have had that very same conversation, minus the son/father of Hyatt! I could never articulate it quite as well. It truly is a daily talk!
Thanks, Hyatt, for your heart……
2:52 pm
You remind me of a talk where our decisions for or against God is like ordering from a menu in a restaurant. While there are many desirable items on a menu, ultimately we come down to one choice. In making that choice we are choosing AGAINST the other items. Likewise, life is filled with many good things, but our Lord is asking us to choose Him above everything else. The difference of course is that he gives us more than we can imagine in return. Thank you for reminding me that this is an ongoing (daily, hourly, minute-by-minute) prayer/conversation.
3:36 pm
Relate? I suspect that if we’re honest, all of us can relate to this scene… and as you say, probably on a daily basis. Thanks Hyatt!
4:22 pm
What can I say but “amen”?
6:34 pm
Not much to add but,….
thank you!
11:46 pm
Oh Hyatt that was great! I loved hearing it again after your sermon on Sat! Really just keeps resonating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tonight we fed our homeless neighbors again down by the railroad tracks! Was such a joy, “doing it as to unto the Lord!” Feeding His sheep! Giving love, conversation, hugs, chocolate dipped strawberries I made and hot crispy salty tater tots!!!!!!!! God’s faith, God’s food! Best place on earth, serving our Lord by serving His people! Wonderful! Thank you, Hyatt! Love Lisa
6:43 am
Love it! Jesus after breakfast. Isn’t that the truth! A fresh, new day and another chance to show our love to Him and others…or try to-
I just read in a James MacDonald book…”Day after day we face the bombardment of the enemy and fail to recognize that, on our own, we have a snowball’s chance in hell of experiencing victory. That is why we are looking for power. The apostle Paul said in Romans 8:8 that those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” So this helps me realize that I even need His help, His Spirit to help me love Him.
Thanks Hyatt, the 3rd, for pointing us in the right direction. It’s fun to think of you and Anne is that neat abode in Oregon. I’m happy for you two!! Enjoy the day.
1:23 pm
I can relate to the three-times-over approach. Jesus is the divine repeater, loving pursuer, and author of resolve. Once is never effective, at least for me. So the question lingers, and is repeated. Second time He’s got my attention, then, “Hey, there’s a squirrel!” By number three, I’m focused, and without excuse. And, like the others’ comments above, this particular inquiry comes often, as it should. It really says it all.
2:47 pm
Why do I have tears running down my face right now as I read this? There is a recognition in my soul … that cares and distractions get the better of me at times …. that noise clamors for immediate attention … and am so touched knowing He honors the intent of my heart, even when I fail … and that His amazing love never lets go even as He asks me the same question …
11:42 am
Kicking off Lent for us the faithful! Love it Hyatt!!! Really makes me think that the best way to show our love for Jesus isn’t just by going to church or reading scripture but by leading the life he wants us to live and helping others. You continue to prove that painting is not your only great talent. Keep writing because we can’t wait to read more :)