First one child came and I began to realize what love was about. It was one minute having no child and the next an utter sense of loss should she be taken away. That was 40 years ago.

A couple of years later another came, then another, and another. A dozen years after that we brought in another, this by adoption, her at age nine.

The five are now all married and with children of their own. Our grandchildren number 15, with another due this year. I call the number “abstract,” what with most of them scattered around the country. To ensure a regular connection, we hold family reunions.

In earlier years this was at Christmas. But these became too big, and a bit complicated with all the events that season already involves. So it was Anne’s brainchild to hold a family gathering at a different time of year and at different places. It would be every two years, the date set long in advance to work for everyone. The costs would be shared.

Right now we are in the throes of our second such reunion.

The last was in Tahoe, California; this time we’re in Dana Point, in spacious, multi-floored accommodations owned and operated by a friend. The meal preparation duties are pre-organized and carried out by assigned families. Activities for the children are loosely planned . . . though much of it for them is the glee of being together, “cousins” being a special relationship that should be allowed to just happen.

For the evening meal the children are fed first, then settled in another room in front of some appropriate video. With a bit of respite from all the frenetic fun, the adults sit down for the pleasure of dining together. It’s all a way to keep up friendships, which is not something to be taken for granted, even in family (or, as is often the case, especially in family).

There’s one more thing that we do to enhance the quality. After the evening meal, each couple is given time to update the rest of us. This year it’s on three topics:

What of significance has been happening in the last two years?

What is the best thing going on in your life right now?

Something special about your spouse.

It’s in response to this we learn meaningful things we’d not likely find out in any other way. Then, after each couple has shared, we provide a time for feedback, with plenty of admiration and affirmation. We’re each other’s fans.

It’s all about family. In many ways it’s only natural. It’s also purposeful. It wouldn’t happen without intention.

We’re all the richer for it.

Now, back to attending to it.

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A quick shot with a hand held camera on one of our past “Day in the Desert” one-day retreats.

Recently I was listening to a friend pour out a mindful of concerns and stresses and I asked her if she had a best friend. She thought about it, said she had a lot of friends, but couldn’t name one with exactly that description. I recommended she find one.

The next week she was almost ecstatic to tell me that a long-time acquaintance had called her to talk. Seems her friend’s therapist had been regularly recommending that she find a best friend. (And this is a very “together” person who would not normally admit she even went to a therapist.) But just that week, that friend called my friend and asked if they could start getting together on a regular basis, just to talk.

We were amazed at the timing of all this . . . except that the seeker always finds.

What the therapist recommended to her client may have come from training; what I’d recommended to my friend comes from experience.

I’ve had a best friend for most of my adult life. In fact, I’ve had different ones at different times, generally only changing when there’s a change in location and the regular contact is no longer viable. But even that can be overcome.

I’ve been meeting with my friend Mike Evans on a weekly basis for 20 years! Even during the four years my family and I were away living in Canada we kept in regular contact. And we’ve never missed our annual one-day retreat, our “Day in the Desert,” the long drive and then a long walk to discover whatever, but mostly just to talk . . . about whatever.

And “whatever” is what keeps the conversation going, week after week. From an early time we’ve grown to know each other so well we can bring up anything. Laughter, I should add, is a big part of it. But there’s also the depths, sometimes the pains, the kinds of things one should not have to go through alone.

Talking things out just helps, as does getting response back. My friend’s friend’s therapist knows that. And so do you.

They say women need this kind of thing more than men, but I say everybody needs it. And besides needing it, it’s just fun . . . something that adds quality to a life.

There’s a brief and telling statement in the Old Testament about all this. The writer is listing a long line of officials in the service of King David. At the end he adds one more, distinguished by being in a category of its own: And Hushai the Arkite was the king’s friend.*

So I say, choose someone and meet for coffee. If it goes well, arrange to meet again. If that goes well, agree to keep it going.

You’ll save on a whole lot of therapy bills, and find yourself adding meaning to your life . . . and that of another.

____________________
* 1 Chronicles 27:33

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There’s a term I picked up somewhere in grade school that, having never heard since, wondered if I had made it up. In the meantime I’ve not shied from using it to describe myself. I am an ambirvert.

Ha! As I type this, even my spell checker doesn’t recognize the word.

But I look further and do find a definition: “A personality trait including the qualities of both introversion and extroversion.”

It continues: “Extraversion and introversion are typically understood as a single continuum. Thus, to be high on one is necessarily to be low on the other. That said, people fluctuate in their behavior all the time, and even extreme introverts and extraverts do not always act consistently.”

More people I’ve talked with lately have described the same about themselves. We may be either extravert or introvert, but at times operate in the other mode. What it doesn’t mean is, “always in the middle.”

I know this about myself: When I’ve had about all I can handle of people I do whatever I can to get away. But I can also be alone too long and after awhile, come out of my cave and go looking for somebody to talk to.

As I understand it, the difference between extraversion and introversion is what supplies our energy, and what drains it. If you’re generally energized by being around people you’re an extravert; if you rather prefer your own company, then you’re in the Introvert’s Club.

(They rarely meet.)

My sister who is a glorious extravert, once in an assembly of assorted types blurted out, “If we don’t talk, how will you know what we’re thinking?” to which a classic introvert answered, “What makes you think we care?”

Everybody laughed, which is another point: Don’t take yourself too seriously.

But even talkative and expressive Sue has her introverted side. Being a writer and speaker, she needs her solitary time, at least to prepare.

And so it is with her brother, the one now writing to you. My continuum is very wide. There are times when I need absolute aloneness and other times when I’m the life of the party. The interesting thing is, those at the party know little about the other side, since they’re not there.

If you recognize these traits in yourself, opposite preferences operating at different times, then you, like me, qualify for the Amberverts Club.

We meet occasionally.

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Here are some personal proverbs. I call them personal only because I wrote them; they might apply to anyone, any time. That’s the nature of a proverb.

They all come from a reading of Genesis 42-45, the account of Joseph, then second in command in Egypt, and his brothers, still not knowing his identity. The number following the proverb is the reference that inspired it.

If famine persists in the land where you live and grain abounds elsewhere,
Don’t just sit and look at each other, get off your asses (or on your asses) and go!  (42:1-2)

Money is as good as the goods you need,
If the goods exist and you’re willing to spend.  (42:2)

If you must invest all, hold one back,
Why risk destroying yourself?  (42:4)

In a story, and life, only the reader and God sees all,
The players see only their part.  (42:1-6)

A dream revealed to the dreamer
May be best, for a time, kept concealed.  (42:7, 9)

A spy, though useful, is inherently a dishonest person.  (42:11)

Treat the weaker brother with respect,
He may, in time, rule over you.  (42:8)

There is a way to test a liar
And the wise will find it out.  (42:14)

A fearer of God will be just,
A fearer of God will be gracious.  (42:18)

Learn from others: The guilt of your justified passions
Can haunt you the rest of your life.  (42:21)

Does not Justice say, “I will have my day,
And for every act there will be pay”?  (42:22)

The accessors to crime will suffer right along with the others.  (42:22)

A blessing at first, is really a curse,
If supplied by one who deceives.  (42:28)

When things are extreme, very good, very bad,
We credit God, or fear him.
But he’s in fact as much in the middle.  (42:28)

A lie, once told, must be perpetually retold,
But nature will right itself, and the liar finally exposed.  (42:32)

Even the blessed can feel he’s the cursed
When everything turns against him.  (42:36)

If possible, be over-honest;
It’ll stand for you later.  (43:12)

Don’t be rash in your promises,
You may have to carry them out.  (43:9-13)

Beware of extraordinary gifts;
There’s something meant by them, and you don’t know what.  (44:2)

You cannot know the plans of God,
For he works them out long before.  (45:5)

Man only thinks he’s doing the action,
But it is God all along.  (45:8)

Raise a child to be God fearing and good,
And (s)he’ll be your care in old age.  (45:9-10)

If a man’s ways please the king,
Even his family will be honored.  (45:17-20)

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And let us run with perseverance the race that is marked out for us.* That’s a Scripture with a specific context but also a word of encouragement for many applications . . . whatever our course.

For each of us that course is delineated by many things. And it’s actually very narrow, like a runner’s track. It’s clarified by both our abilities and our limitations.

In my younger years I thought I was going to be an engineer, being the son of one (and now the father of one) but in time realized I was about as good at math as getting myself out of handcuffs in a locked safe under water.

I think my brain leans toward the right.

We learn these things about ourselves and it helps. And, life being short, we need to focus on our strengths and let our non-strengths go. Why forever knock our heads against the wall?

Once I took an aptitude test which, after a lot of questions, listed a plethora of occupations. I thought I’d find possibilities all over the page. But no, I found very few, like about three . . . with two of those not really that great.

Some of the rest I “could do,” but it wouldn’t be me expressing my real self. It would be somebody else’s track; mine is specific to me.

So, maybe I’m not as broad a person as I might have thought, but knowing it helps me focus.

It helps me run with perseverance my own personal race.

And though narrow, there is something limitless about it. We don’t know how far we can go. Only the pursuing will tell us.

Growth only stops when we quit.

So keep going. Persevere. Push through your previous limits.

Show yourself what can be done, not to mention the rest of us.

We’ll root for you . . . while we’re running too.

_________________
*Hebrews 12:1

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The first Dr. Hyatt E. Moore in history, being readied for the ceremony by wife and mother, on Father’s Day, at Stanford.

Besides the name, one thing my son and I have in common is that in high school we both only got one “B.” Of course for him it was something of a disappointment. For me there was general rejoicing!

As he was growing up, I never knew he was smart. I knew he asked a lot of questions but I thought it was just conversation. He was active, and hefty; I figured he’d make a good truck driver. That was fine with me; the world needs truck drivers. I cared more about his character.

When he started getting into programs like GATE (Gifted and Talented) I just thought, “Wow, they’ve really dumbed that down.” And at a high school awards program when his SAT scores were announced, a hush came over the student body; I figured they must be good.

Skip ahead, wrestling (literally) through the Naval Academy, graduating with honors, following on with studies in cryptology, then a Naval officer on both submarines and high altitude aircraft (never able to tell me anything about it) . . . living internationally, marrying lovely and talented Nicole, returning to studies he earned two masters degrees simultaneously at the Naval Post Graduate school, electrical engineering and computer, again with honors.

By this time I was starting to get it: Maybe he’ll run the trucking company.

After nine years in the navy he got the idea he wanted to pursue a PhD. He approached leadership about it but there was no open door. So he left the navy for Stanford University. Now, after four years, and while he and Nicole have been raising three children (and now another coming) he just today was hooded with his PhD in Electrical Engineering.

For the first time in history, there’s a legitimate Dr. Hyatt E. Moore. (Before it was always just junk mail to my house.)

You’ll say I’m a proud father, and of course you’re right. But I’d be just as proud of a truck driver of noble character.

As far as recognizing intelligence in another, who can ever know? As I’ve often thought: We’re all intelligent, just in different areas.

And that’s good enough for me.

_______________________

PS Electrical engineering can be applied in many directions. At Stanford he’s been working in the Medical Department, in “Sleep Studies.” Having experienced a dose of PTSD himself he has a particular sensitivity about sleeping well. But that’s all coincidence. His studies are statistical. If you want a peek at the “software solution” he’s designed, check out a video he’s put together for peers (narrated by his theater-trained sister Allison). Click here to see the video.

And if you understand it, get back to me and explain it.

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Palo Verde, once a seed, lightly nurtured, now flourishing. (Click for details.)

When I first got the idea to become a painter I was 55.

I was driving home from work one evening waiting for a red light to change. I turned my head and looked in a gallery window. What came over me at that moment was both unexpected and life changing. I thought to myself, “I could do that.”

Not that I could paint like that. Not yet. But that person had figured it out; I could figure it out.

But when? I had a full-on job, so full I brought work home. We were raising children and involved in their lives. I was on multiple boards. My travel schedule was such that I was always carrying tickets for my next trip. I was somewhere in the middle of a mid-life master’s degree program. We were involved at church.

I wasn’t complaining; I loved it all. But how to get this new seed in the ground?

Weeks and then months passed and I wasn’t able to even start. Then one day, after dinner, I set up a card table in the corner of a room, got my materials out, and began to play. It was very low key. I painted in oils in a sketch book. Very impractical, as oils dry slowly and you can’t even turn the pages, but that’s what I did.

I repeated this the next day, and the next, and next. It was just for an hour or so, playing in the paint, then leaving the mess out so I could sit down and immediately be doing it again.

I found that even in a busy schedule, I could do this. I could reserve an hour each day, at a given time and in a given place.

The seed in the ground, after that it was just regular nurturing.

I still had no idea where this was all going, but it didn’t matter: I was painting.

Now it’s my occupation.

These things start small. They’re seeds. They just have to be put in the ground, then nurtured. After that, growth is only natural.

What’s your seed?

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One time after I’d given a talk, a young man approached me and asked if I could give some advice to his brother. His brother wasn’t there, but he told me he was an artist and struggling with the marketing part. He wondered if maybe I’d have a word for him.

For a moment I was blank. “This is very strange,” I thought, “a man asking for advice for another not there with no way for me to get an impression of the person or his art. I almost said, “No,” but then thought better of it and said, “Yes.”

“Tell him to walk through every door that opens, and knock on many others.”

That was it. I don’t remember the man’s response, and I have no idea what happened after.

It seemed that bit advice, which I’d never said before, not in that way, was just general enough for many things, and possibly exactly right for that one.

Because for many an artist it’s not the art-making that’s the struggle, but the rest of it, even when the work is good.

If the work isn’t good yet, that’s another challenge. But when you think about it, a lot of people are “succeeding” with so-so artwork, while others with brilliant work can’t seem to get going.

A lot of the art-making game, like so much else, involves the element of getting it out in front of people, into galleries, into shows, onto walls, in front of those who might like it, might buy it, could use it.

And all that can require an initiative that doesn’t come naturally. Certainly not to those more comfortable in the privacy of their own studios, or the privacy of their own minds.

But it’s part of the equation. Paintings are made for walls, not for storage units.

But how? What? Where? When?

Who knows? There are many ways. Until one finds the right way, the answer is to try them all.

When a door opens, don’t be shy. One will lead to another.

Go through every door that opens, and knock on a lot of others.

It’s for all of us.

And maybe you have a brother that needs to hear it.

_________________

PS Thanks for all the remarks on last week’s post, “A Turn in the Road.” That Damascus Roads video is now on my website under a new section: “Videos.” Feel free to share it with any who could use it or just enjoy it (like maybe a brother).

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The Jeff Divine coffee table book (above) included the zany photo from the earlier days at the magazine. That’s Divine on his back, author Brad Barrett smiling at the camera, at the rear on his knees is me.

I got to thinking about turns in the road, my own and those of others. Most of life is a slowly evolving continuum. Year follows year without much changing. But sometimes something big happens and changes everything.

You see it immediately, and in time others begin to see it in you. Invisible faith becomes visible. You can no longer walk in the old direction, at least not happily, as your whole internal orientation has changed.

For whatever reason, in thinking about this, I remembered a quote in the introductory essay in the book, Masters of Surf Photography: Jeff Divine. I got it out and looked at it again.

Jeff Divine and I worked together a long time ago, at Surfer Magazine. His art is gloriously revealed page after page in this beautiful coffee table book, the kind that people look at but don’t often read. But the writing gives depth to it all. Brad Barrett, previously photo editor, did a fine job giving background and an overview of life at the magazine where these talents were expressed and honed.

Actually, I probably wouldn’t have the book on my shelf but someone gave it to me, and pointed out that I was mentioned in it. That’s what I looked at again this morning. Two places.

Page 14: “By this time the ‘Jesus movement’ was taking hold across the country and Orange County was a hotbed of gung-ho religious activity. Three of the Surfer staffers, art director Hy Moore [I was known as Hy in those days] John’s brother Joey [John Severson was founder of the magazine], and Rick Griffin [also of Haight Ashberry psychodylic art fame] had recently converted to Christianity and were attending Bible studies, dropping, for the most part, their hedonistic ways.”

I remember those days. Actually my radical turn-in-the-road experience happened deep in Mexico, with little knowledge of any “movement taking hold across the country.” For me it was better away from all that, as the conversion had to be real, honest, heartfelt, uncoersed, private, and deep. From the first day I knew it was permanent.

I also knew that others would have a hard time understanding it.

Nor was I too worried about that. Instead I was searching for and responding to the new leading as it was revealed to me. I didn’t realize that this was being observed by others as the invisible faith being revealed in outward actions. Next page:

“The Christian thing was still pretty strong at the mag, and late in 1972, our art director Hy Moore dropped a bomb. He was heading to Guatemala on a missionary assignment to help the locals print Bibles . . .”

Interesting to see that in print, these many years later. What Brad described was the beginning of a 32-year career, one that has since been replaced by another. But not the earlier orientation, the one described on page 14. That continues, now just worked out in another way.

And that’s all I have room for here.

For more of the story, check out Damascus Roads, a video earlier aired on TV. It’s now on my website, or just click the button here. Let me know what you think.

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Came across this in a sketchbook from 2007, included here just you you’ll know who’s writing.

Okay, so I was thinking about what to do with this blog, as you know. People have suggested things. I have suggested things. My suggestive self has raised ideas to my evaluative self . . . either one calling a meeting at any moment and one of the other goes away victor.

At one point I even browse the Internet for blog topics. Just on one site alone I find suggestions like:

Instructional (tips on how to do something)
Informational (like, say, the origin of word meanings, or, or, or)
Reviews (like of products, or books, or restaurants, or religions)
Lists (fun to write, easy to read . . . as you’re doing right now)
Interviews (like between my positive and my negative selves)
Case Studies (validations of theories)
Profiles (similar to above)
Link Posts (gathering interesting posts and sharing)
“Problem” Posts (my chance to express my negative reviews)
Contrasting Two Options (full of “on the other hand”)
Rant (easy, when pushing the “send” button prematurely)
Inspirational (opposite of above)
Research (useful, lots of work, and never ending)
Collation Posts (a combination of link posts and research posts)
Prediction and Review Posts (too easy to get them both wrong)
Critique Posts (not for me . . . in spite of my natural ability here)
Debate (me no like argue)
Hypothetical Posts (I’ve done a few of these, like Letter to Nigeria)
Satirical (I like these too, like E-mail Disclaimers)

Then there are product oriented and marketing blogs. One might think this should be one of those, being part of an artist’s website. But this artist has many sides, as do, he thinks, his readers.

I realize I don’t need to settle on one theme. Even Ecclesiastes, which in the end I commented on the whole book, didn’t start that way . . . rather just occasional favorite passages.

The book of Proverbs is a tidal flat of gems, just laying on the sand. A little digging around and there’s more yet, ever and always.

Then there’s the teeming brain, to quote John Keats, who worried that he’d run out of time before his own was probed (and then died at age 26).

There’s enough for a daily entry, but would be too much for you . . . so I’ll likely stay with the twice weekly (or, as lately, once).

My purpose? To express, inspire, reflect, encourage, and to relate.

In a way, you’ve been voting all along by your comments. Still, all feedback is welcome here.

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