{"id":2033,"date":"2012-02-06T11:09:01","date_gmt":"2012-02-06T19:09:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/?p=2033"},"modified":"2012-02-06T11:09:01","modified_gmt":"2012-02-06T19:09:01","slug":"letter-to-nigeria","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/2012\/02\/06\/letter-to-nigeria\/","title":{"rendered":"Letter to Nigeria"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a><\/h6>\n

Do you get these letters offering a portion of some fantastic sum if you’ll only begin a correspondence with the author? They’re typically from Nigeria, which is too bad, as I have been to Nigeria and met some very lovely people. Even painting some of them. The letters are often long and full of some story of hardship or intrigue, sometimes even pulling at \u201cspiritual\u201d cords. There’s usually a patent over-trying for \u201ccorrectness,\u201d and \u201cofficiality.\u201d Misspelling and infelicities of grammar also add a certain flavor. The e-mail I’m proposing to respond to here was uniquely short, however, and more precise than most. It’s me that’s longish (please forgive me and I do beg your indulgence, etc., etc.).<\/p>\n

I haven’t quite decided to push the \u201csend\u201d key yet. Perhaps you’ll have some comment, advice, or additional information I should supply. Feel free to offer it at the bottom. (I will be most grateful.)<\/p>\n

On Jan 28, 2012, at 5:58 AM, MR Ernest Brooke wrote:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Good day,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am contacting you once again, regarding a substantial amount of inheritance funds (approximately $287,000,000) belonging to my late client whom you share the same last name with and I was wondering if you are related to him. Will forward more information to you in this regards, in the interim, kindly forward to my email below the following information so I can give you more information about the astate:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Full names:<\/strong>
\nPhysical Address:<\/strong>
\nTelephone numbers:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Regards,<\/strong>
\nErnest Brooks<\/strong>
\nLagos, Nigeria<\/strong><\/p>\n

PS If you are not any the person to whom our late client is related, please do not respond to this letter or tell anyone else about it as there are a lot of scams out there. I say this for your portection.<\/strong><\/p>\n

HERE’S MY DRAFT RESPONSE:<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Mr. Ernest Brooks,<\/p>\n

First of all, I want to thank you for your kind remembrance of me, though (and for this I apologize) I’m afraid I don’t recall your first writing. That, however, makes me all the more grateful…that you have not lost interest even though I have not been responsive…but you have now, in your kindness, initiated this second writing, if indeed it is (a second writing), which I believe, because you have said so, and I’m sure you are a person of integrity or you would not have taken the time and effort to contact me.<\/p>\n

Besides, you have warned me about scams. That makes me know that you are not a perpetrator of such, or you wouldn’t have brought it up. (And thank you for that warning, too, as sometimes it’s hard to know.)<\/p>\n

(Most times, in fact.)<\/p>\n

(Well, at least a lot of times.)<\/p>\n

I’m grateful, too, for the brevity of your letter, and as one that does not over-promise because I may not be the correctly named possible relative of your diseased client. I would not want to get my hopes up for a life of riches and ease, nor to get your hopes up for same after I supply all the information you’ll be shortly asking for.<\/p>\n

I am curious about one thing, however, and that is, since your late client had the same name as me, how is it that I’m to supply my name? It seems you would already know it.<\/p>\n

But these things are trifles between trusting friends.<\/p>\n

Perhaps, though, before I offer my name, and this is just to keep us from confusion and to save time and multiple e-mail exchanges for the sake of veracity (as you must be very busy, sending e-mails all over the English speaking world like this in your thorough and honest investigation) perhaps . . . as I say . . . you could reveal to me the name of your late client. Then I’ll be able to tell you if it matches my name.<\/p>\n

The truth is, I’m quite sure already that we are indeed related. And I think you’re confident of this, too.<\/p>\n

For that, after you’ve supplied the name in question, I will be most happy to supply all the information you may be lacking for the sake of the honest and\u00a0efficient\u00a0transaction.<\/p>\n

I know you don’t take me for a naive person. So, as I am not naive and would like to save us both time on this, I will supply, in response to your affirmation of the deseast<\/del>, dis-east<\/del>, dead man’s name, any and all information you will be needing. Please let me know if you need anything besides the following:
\nBank name, account and routing number
\nAny pin numbers
\nPasswords
\nSocial Security numbers
\nPassport numbers
\nSafety deposit box combination
\nBank balance
\nInvestment balance
\nAny property owned
\nReferrals for any other rich same-named relatives of the desteest<\/del>, deathened<\/del>, devestated<\/del>, the dear poor man
\nReferrals\u00a0for any rich friends who might have the same name as the deadened<\/del>, depraved<\/del>, (the same man) once that name is known.<\/p>\n

With this, I sign off,
\nwith all gratitude, again for your thinking of me and your faith in me that I will have faith in you which I realize is beyond question so I won’t (question it).
\nSince truly we are like brothers already.
\nMost sincerely,
\nWith a handshake,
\nUntil I hear back,
\nAnd with apologies again for not responding after your first writing
\n(which I didn’t get),
\nGood bye for now.<\/p>\n

[name withheld until verification of name of the dissisted<\/del>, mouldered<\/del>, moneyed<\/del>, dead client]<\/p>\n

PS Just curious; did your client really die of tardiness?<\/p>\n

____________________________<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Currently writing from Toledo, Oregon.<\/p>\n

Anyone interested in a few paintings I did after being in Nigeria about a decade back, click here<\/a>, and here<\/a>, and here<\/a>, and here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The stamps kept from correspondence in the days before e-mail.<\/p>\n

Next: Light is Sweet. <\/em>Coming Thursday.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you get those letters from Nigeria phishing for your vital information? Of course you do. Here’s a proposed answer back to one. Let me know what you think, and if I should send it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2033"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2033"}],"version-history":[{"count":36,"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2033\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2071,"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2033\/revisions\/2071"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2033"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2033"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hyattmoore.com\/blank-slate\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2033"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}