Dad, hours after Mom died, wiping a tear, something I’d never seen. Behind is Adelene, the 24-hour caregiver from Belize who we’ve all come to depend on.
We buried my mother on Friday, a week after she died. It’s not that I want to belabor the theme here, though I would wish, when my time comes, it merits more than a passing mention. For you too.
We had a marvelous memorial, following a graveside service. My brother, a retired pastor, gave a message at the graveside, following his soulful harmonica rendition of Amazing Grace. The pastor of my parents’ church also spoke. At one point he asked what example of grace had we seen my mother manifest. I volunteered, “She forgave me.” That, he summarized, said it all.
It was a very Christian service. The funeral director told me after, of all he sees, this one was inspiring. Too bad he didn’t follow us to the luncheon that followed where friends and family took their turns giving brief memories of Mom and her unique character. There were as many laughs as tears. Her legacy was apparent, not just in the stories, but in values instilled in her offspring . . . and theirs.
My father didn’t make it to either of the services. He’s almost immobile now, speaks very slowly if at all, and seem ready to join my mother any time. With her gone, it’s like he really hasn’t any further reason to hang around. Happily, after both of the above mentioned services, some 30 or more came over to the house, greeted him, then stayed the rest of the day. Being in the same house I grew up in, it seemed like so many Sunday afternoons when my mother would invite anybody and everybody who would come over after church to just be with each other.
The day of death is better than the day of birth.* That’s a verse from Ecclesiastes, the kind of which I’ve already written on and now has a place in my new book.** We quote it as some sort of vague consolation, or even “weird” consolation. A birth is a celebration, a death a mourning. So how is it better? Except that at the beginning there’s nothing, just a bundle of potential that could go either way. At the end, however, there’s much to celebrate, to acknowledge and, as I said, a heritage to continue.
By the way, I’ll be speaking on Ecclesiastes at my church Sunday after next. It’ll be upbeat; I’ll mix the positive in with the ponderings.***
But for now, before rushing on with the “next” of our lives, I wanted to take one more moment to acknowledge Mom. Dad’s next. After that, before long, me and you.
Live well.
__________________
* Ecclesiastes 7:1b
** It’s About Life, available here.
*** Heritage Christian Fellowship, San Clemente, 11/24/13, 9:00 & 11:00.
Our Lives Together
Its About Life
9:23 am
Thanks for these comments, Hyatt. They renewed my understanding of the importance of remembering our creator before it’s too late. Ecclestiastes 12:1
9:41 am
Thanks, Hyatt.
Your comment, after the Pastor’s inquiry of an example of your Mom displaying grace, “She forgave me” brought tears to my eyes!
How perfect for that moment; how lovely to remember always.
Love in Christ,
Sara
9:53 am
Very poignant picture. Made more so by the portraits in the background. Thanks for sharing this with us.
10:03 am
This sharing brought tears to my eyes. So glad
your dad’s family & friends came over to be with him!
Pray that they continue to do that. I think we all
wish we could be like your mom!
Hugs & Love
Barbara Mitchiner
10:28 am
Seeing the picture of your Dad brought immediate tears. Wondering what, after all these years with her he feels but may not be able to express. I wish I had known her. Love the message of death being a celebration. Like running a race and finally getting to the finish line where celebration, relief, elation and contentment all merge for a short time. I am so blessed to know God will bestow that on me in my time.
Now, on to live well…
11:02 am
How beautiful, just love the picture of your dad. What a precious commentary on your parents. God bless you richly!
11:04 am
I love your example of grace in her life.
12:22 pm
Thank you for sharing this thoughtful memoir. She sounds like a woman who lived her life full of purpose, intent on pleasing God.
On another note, I’ve been reading your new book and loving it. Great thoughts on life.
1:08 pm
This brought tears to my eyes. We are just about a month since the passing of Randy’s dad’s lady friend & love of the past twenty years. Stan at 98 is grieving, as we are for him. We. Are returning to California tomorrow with Stan, as he puts it, for the next rung on his ladder of life. We are looking forward to having him close by for whatever time he has. Thank you Hyatt.
Peace
1:12 pm
It’s been said that dying is the ultimate act of giving. Only then is one completely “broken bread”, and able to feed the souls of many. Your mom, Hyatt, is now blessing all those who knew her in a different and deeper way. She sounds like someone I would loved to have known. Bless you as you linger in the memories of all she meant to you.
2:53 pm
Corri said almost everything I wanted to say and said it better. Mom Hyatt reminds me of the lady of chapter 12 in Lewis’ The Great Divorce. Greatness is found in small deeds performed consistently according to God’s pattern.
6:24 pm
Dear Hyatt:
I had just been, in the last week or so, reflecting on my own mom, who passed away (amazingly!) thirteen years ago, and who came to the Lord within hours of doing so. While I’m grateful for that, I miss some of what you’ve written about, and have found myself longing for it. I am so glad you did write, so glad you are close to your dad and know his destination, his glory, as well. Still, they are your folks, and my heart is with you as you work your way through these days.
With affection, from a distance,
Dan Grove
7:01 pm
What a beautiful tribute to your mom! Grace, that’s what it’s all about, Gods grace.
I would love to hear you speak at church sometime, where is it that you will be speaking?
8:06 pm
Hyatt, again, I am sooooooo sad that it was your mom’s time, because it marks time gone, but not because you did not know where she is going! That is wonderful! Her time came to go home to her true Father in heaven! AMEN!!! That is something we should all be so excited about when our time comes, which is sooner rather than later, as you insinuated. Our prayers are with your Dad, you and your family, and your mom. Thanking The Lord that she was able to go from this world in the way we all hope we get to leave, in our sleep. Blessings! Lisa
10:24 am
Dear Hyatt ,
I am so sorry for your temporary loss of your mom,but so grateful for the lasting gain she provided for you in all the years God granted her and you with her! I thank God for my parents and the gift of a daughter and granddaughters. How precious are His blessings! Thank you for sharing God’s treasure of a blessing with us!
Now to my art room for at least 1 hour!!!!
My sympathies, sue
7:25 pm
Another reminder as too what will our legacy be? What will people remember about me? Did I follow the word and do instead of just read and recite? These times are always a great reminder to reflect on how you can be more in life than just a name or a face. You can be an inspiration for others and leave a legacy for generations to come. Your God can do anything, dream big and act big. Don’t let’s time slip away. Thank you Hyatt for the reminder. God bless your mom and dad.
8:10 pm
Dear Hyatt,
Your sharing transported me back 2 1/2 years ago; my Mom’s memorial in a beautiful little park above the ocean in San Clemente. Sun setting to the east over Dana Point Harbor. Bagpipes solemnly playing Amazing Grace, and the delicate release of butterflies. The richness and simplicity of the moment hopefully spoke to many hearts of the Glory of our God.
Your transparency and willingness to share your intimate moments touch our hearts, builds our faith, and seeds our hope. Thank you.
May the Comforter invade your mind with His good words.
Kathleen
7:43 pm
I have savored your mom blogs. And among other things, I relish the reminder to not rush on to the “next” in my life because before long, it will be “me and you.” 2 Thessalonians 4:11 resonates here, if not everywhere.